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JMJ
When speaking of the overwhelming disrespect given to the elderly in our society, my father often relates a quip said to him by a colleague who hailed from a Southeast Asian country: "Americans live with their dogs and treat them like people and put out their old people [in nursing homes]; we live with our elders, giving them the utmost respect and eat our dogs." Though a bit of a grotesque image, it makes the point. The elderly deserve our respect and attention.
Why is it, that in the wealthiest country in the world, we have so many nursing homes? For most of civilization, the elderly lived with their families when they were no longer able to care for themselves. Grandparents or great aunts and uncles spent quiet time with the children, giving advice, telling stories, loving them faithfully. Especially in larger families, where perhaps children cannot always receive undivided attention from an adult, the elderly can give the attention and affirmation children need. They no longer could work, but always could love. Living with younger family in close quarters can be very difficult on both parties, but patience and humility will abound if prayerfully sought. We can imitate our Lord in this regard for surely Christ, Himself, was very attentive to His grandparents, Anne & Joachim.
The instances of living with and taking care of family have gradually disappeared for many reasons. In America, the advent of Social Security was a greater hindrance to the family than most realize. Paul A. Rahe, professor of History at Hillsdale College, wrote a very interesting piece a few weeks ago which touched upon this subject:
Yet there is another, more subtle reason, for inattentiveness to the elderly. Young and middle-aged people do not want to acknowledge their own immortality, their own humanity. The fact, that at some point, they too will be old and needy. There is a very poignant scene in an old movie from the sixties entitled The Trouble with Angels. (The film is a comedy which makes its more serious moments stand out all the more.) In the scene, the students are helping out at a Christmas party at a nursing home when the protagonist, Mary, overhears a tearful elderly woman pour out her sorrows to the Mother Superior. She tells her how her children never visit, and have not asked her to either; she recounts how much she loves them, and how much did for them as children. This heart-wrenching scene forces Mary to confront the Mother Superior, telling her," I hope I die young. . . " Mary vicariously, albeit briefly, experiences this woman's loneliness, understanding what Mother Theresa deeply understood: "Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the greatest poverty."
"And [the bishops] welcomed Social Security . . . They did not stop to ponder whether public provision in this regard would subvert the moral principle that children are responsible for the well-being of their parents. They did not stop to consider whether this measure would reduce the incentives for procreation and nourish the temptation to think of sexual intercourse as an indoor sport. They did not stop to think."Of course, government assistance and abundant wealth have seemingly obscured the obligation and duty to care for one's relatives. There is a hardly a need to take in an elderly relative when most have the money to pay for assisted living or nursing homes. But, by not living with the elderly or being around them often, people give in to their most selfish tendencies. They who were once proud and strong in their youth have become needy and helpless (if not physically yet, at least emotionally).
Yet there is another, more subtle reason, for inattentiveness to the elderly. Young and middle-aged people do not want to acknowledge their own immortality, their own humanity. The fact, that at some point, they too will be old and needy. There is a very poignant scene in an old movie from the sixties entitled The Trouble with Angels. (The film is a comedy which makes its more serious moments stand out all the more.) In the scene, the students are helping out at a Christmas party at a nursing home when the protagonist, Mary, overhears a tearful elderly woman pour out her sorrows to the Mother Superior. She tells her how her children never visit, and have not asked her to either; she recounts how much she loves them, and how much did for them as children. This heart-wrenching scene forces Mary to confront the Mother Superior, telling her," I hope I die young. . . " Mary vicariously, albeit briefly, experiences this woman's loneliness, understanding what Mother Theresa deeply understood: "Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the greatest poverty."
The United States does not have the extreme material poverty present in most other countries, but it does have an abundance of elderly and lonely people. It is much easier to care for the poor by giving away clothes, or writing a check. And this is very important to do, as Christ told us that "to whom much is given, much is expected." (Despite what some believe, I am pretty sure Our Lord meant for us to give to the poor, not the government.)
But how much harder is it to also make the time to visit a lonely relative? To pick up the phone and call? To write a note? To have someone over for dinner? To prayerfully consider welcoming a relative to one's home to live?
But how much harder is it to also make the time to visit a lonely relative? To pick up the phone and call? To write a note? To have someone over for dinner? To prayerfully consider welcoming a relative to one's home to live?
"For if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do the same. If you lend money to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit [is] that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, and get back the same amount" (Luke 6: 32-34)Respect for life means reverence for the dignity each individual person in our world, and in our everyday lives. Let us seek to pay particular attention to those who are do not always receive this most deserved reverence. It is helpful to remember that we are all made in the image and likeness of God.
