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JMJ
"We who are strong ought to put up with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Each of us must please our neighbor for the good purpose of building up the neighbor. For Christ did not please himself; but, as it is written, “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.” For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, so that by steadfastness and by the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope. May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another, in accordance with Christ Jesus, so that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."
Romans 15:1-6
Living in harmony with others is one of the greatest challenges to patience that men endure. Abiding in peace takes self-control, humility and charity, among other virtues. Strength is demanded to rein in impulsive reactions to daily vexations that threaten to disturb a tranquil communal atmosphere. But self-control also must be employed to stifle the instinct to grumble about suffered grievances (actual or perceived) to sympathetic ears that commiserate in solicitude.
Yet discipline alone does not suffice to stem the tide of resentment. In order to persevere, a firm resolve must be succored with humility and charity. When one believes he has reached the heights of maturity in the spiritual life, he can be tempted to regard the peccadillos or irksome idiosyncrasies of others with disdain, assuming he is the only one who must bear annoyances. How easily he forgets the definitive reciprocity that a relationship contains, and so fails to reflect that his companion may be equally enduring difficulties arising from his own faults. As it says in the Imitation of Christ:
"Try to bear patiently with the defects and infirmities of others, whatsoever they may be, because you also have many a fault which others must endure."
Above all, charity is vital in cultivating peace in the home. In a culture that is handicapped by its addiction to dopamine so that its thirst for pleasure is never fully quenched, one may believe that if his will does not coincide with his sentiments, he is portraying a false image. When one's feelings are incongruent with his actions, he thinks himself hypocritical. On the contrary, the fact that he can overcome the antipathy he feels and act with charity demonstrates his great love for God. A well known story from the autobiography of St. Therese illustrates this point well, and offers hope to those who struggle in this regard.
“Formerly one of our nuns managed to irritate me whatever she did or said. The devil was mixed up in it, for it was certainly he who made me see so many disagreeable traits in her.
As I did not want to give way to my natural dislike for her, I told myself that charity should not only be a matter of feeling but should show itself in deeds. So I set myself to do for this sister just what I should have done for someone I loved most dearly.
Every time I met her, I prayed for her and offered God all her virtues and her merits. I was sure this would greatly delight Jesus, for every artist likes to have his works praised and the divine Artist of souls is pleased when we do not halt outside the exterior of the sanctuary where He has chosen to dwell but go inside and admire its beauty.
I did not remain content with praying a lot for this nun who caused me so much disturbance. I tried to do as many things for her as I could, and whenever I was tempted to speak unpleasantly to her, I made myself give her a pleasant smile and tried to change the subject.
When I was violently tempted by the devil and if I could slip away without her seeing my inner struggle, I would flee like a soldier deserting the battlefield. And after all this she asked me one day with a beaming face: “Sister Therese, will you please tell me what attracts you so much to me? You give me such a charming smile whenever we meet.” Ah! it was Jesus hidden in the depth of her soul who attracted me, Jesus who makes the bitterest things sweet!"
