JMJ
"At times, the weakest point in our spiritual life is more than twelve miles down! We want to see what this is. We want, without putting ourselves under a microscope, to take better precautions, so that God's house, which is each of us, does not fall when the rain beats against it or the earthquake comes. We need to ask: "What caused this? If I lapse into a sudden moodiness or indulge miasmic sensitiveness, is there perhaps a resentment or self-pity I have never resolved twelve miles beneath that epicenter? If I quake with anger over something that even I myself can see, later on, is really such a small thing, what is twelve miles below that epicenter? Where is the real trouble? The real trouble is that I have not exercised self-control in little things."
(Mother Mary Francis, P.C.C.)One of the frustrations that may accompany one's journey to holiness results from the periodic lapses into a particular fault he struggles with. Though he conquers his defect at times, the inconsistency of his victories reveals that his resolution to eradicate this fault was only superficial, failing to find and eliminate the source of the problem.
So, one struggles to bridle his tongue and is flabbergasted when this wild colt frequently breaks from the loosely held reins. Yet, it is not his need to talk that prevents his self-discipline but the prideful attachment to his opinions, witticisms, and accomplishments being heard. Another is astonished at his impulsive and tempestuous outbursts but upon examination, he understands that they emanate from a stubborn refusal to patiently accept inconvenient interruptions that are really God's unexpected will in daily life. Still another, who employs himself in constant distraction, realizes that this attachment to noise is symptomatic of an unaddressed anxiety and restlessness.
The remedy in correcting these "quakes" in one's behavior lies first in humbly acknowledging the deeper attachments that trigger the first rumblings. After excavating below the fault, one can then resolutely exercise a watchfulness for occasions when he is most likely to stumble. This vigilance is not meant to produce scrupulosity, but rather affords one the opportunity to practice the opposing virtue, strengthening self-control by building up a store of little victories. A particular examen, as promoted by St. Ignatius Loyola, is very helpful in this regard. Above all, though, victory can be only gained through the graces received by perseverance in prayer and reception of the Sacraments.
